those angry black folks.

Mother's Day! (Was like four days ago.)

2006-05-17T22:26:00.000-07:00

I like Mother's Day. I like to serve my mom breakfast in bed. I like to give her things. (This year, it was two acrylic paintings. I'm broke.) I like to take her out to dinner and spoil her. Moms deserve it.

Mommy, I love you.

On a complete tangent, I realize that I feel kinda sorry for white people. I mean, I know I don't want no niggas up in my face shouting about how my people oppressed their people, about how Democrats don't "really" understand black people, about how a liberal just doesn't "get" the movement. That's hecka bull, man. Black folks, let's lay off of white folks for a while.

Now that I think about it, life sucks for a lot of people. Latinos, blacks, Arabs, Asians, homosexuals, bisexuals, transgenders, transsexuals, poor people, middle class people, rich people. No matter what you are, it just sucks to live in the States, cos somebody's gonna go out of their way to make your life miserable.

Damn.

How do we solve for that?

Oh. One more thing.

HOLY SHIT I'M GOING TO UCLA!

This is total excitement right here, yo.

May Day!

2006-05-01T16:22:00.000-07:00

Today, May 1, 2006, is "A Day Without Immigrants."

Many of those who support immigrant rights have initiated a national boycott, refusing to go to work, go to school (two-thirds of my AP Spanish Language class was absent), purchase anything from gasoline to clothes to food (I'm hoping they all stocked up the day before), and basically creating a substantial impact on the economy.

Okay, they made their point.

Now, I am all for immigrant rights -- hell, I'm an immigrant. My mother brought me to this country when I was four months old. Here's the kicker though: I'm legal. So are my folks. We have spent upwards of a few thousand dollars becoming citizens of this fine country: fees to obtain applications, fees to turn in applications, fees for Green Cards, fees for Certificates of Citizenship, fees for passports, wages and salaries lost in having to spend all day at the INS (even though I had an appointment), so on and so forth. But I'm not mad, I'm a citizen. I'm happy, I get to vote.

But when certain people get angry at this idea of selective admission, I can't help but get a little irked.

Look, my family, we paid off our mortgage and our house is now ours, right? We don't HAVE to let everybody, let alone everybody, in. It is OUR HOUSE. Sure, it used to be the bank's, before that it was someone else's, but let's live in the present -- it is OUR HOUSE, and we have the right to deny entrance to anyone we wish.

(Side note: one may be tempted to argue that everybody in the States except for the First Americans are illegal -- the biggest mistake the First Americans ever made was to NOT FIGHT BACK. I kinda wish for their sake that they had been a bit more hostile towards the invading Europeans, rather than welcome with open arms. Who knows how history could have changed?)

Other countries, in Europe and Asia, have far stricter immigration laws. I wonder why nobody is complaining about how the Japanese make it nearly impossible to become a citizen of their country? Just a thought. But hey -- it's their country, they can bar whoever they want.

Yes, immigration is wonderful, and yes, immigrants do have rights. But every illegal immigrants who wants to go around the INS is kicking dust in my family's faces, and the faces of everybody who was so "stupid" enough to actually obey the law.

Man, that was a lot of money, too. Coulda bought me a Benz for my sixteenth birthday.

Is the downtown LA air getting to your head?

2006-04-05T15:17:00.000-07:00

So, USC didn't accept me. I don't really care, because USC is a freaking joke compared to UCLA, and it's way too expensive for no real reason. (Fun Fact: if the president were at a USC dinner, and he faced a medical emergency, they'd put him in a helicopter to the UCLA Medical Center.)

WHATEVER, USC.

But then, after I opened my letter of rejection, I got this email:

Greetings,

We would like to congratulate you on your offer of admission into the Trojan Family! This email invites you to apply for the second annual, USC Blacks In Action Community Service Award. Blacks in Action is a USC student organization whose objective is to serve the African American community. This award is given to students who demonstrate commendable deeds of service within their communities. Scholarship awards range from $1000-2000 per student. This money is to help relieve the cost of USC tuition, housing, and/or books. Attached to this email you will find a copy of the scholarship application. The deadline for this application is Wednesday, April 19th. All who are interested are encouraged to apply. For further questions please contact mailto: *****@***.***

Best,
***** * ******
Co. President, Blacks In Action

Umm... I didn't get into USC, right? Whatever, just a retarded mistake.

Then right after, I got this:

The message below that was sent earlier was sent in error. Please disregard. We apologize for any inconvenience or confusion this might have caused.

Respectfully,
USC Admission.

Wow. I wish you all could have seen the look on my face. There are no adequate words to describe it. Sort of a mix of "WTF?" and "Nigga, please" and "Fuck you." You know?

And THEN, the NEXT DAMN DAY, I got this:

Dear *******,

I want to apologize for the confusing e-mails you may have received within the past 24 hours from a student organization at USC – Blacks in Action. In an attempt to communicate with incoming USC students, we unfortunately included your name in the e-mail campaign list by mistake. I am well aware this is a stressful time for you, and I deeply regret any hurt feelings this mistake might have caused you or your family.

I welcome you to contact us if you have questions or concerns about your application or the e-mail. I have asked two of my senior staff to be available for you at their direct phone numbers. You may contact **** *****, Sr. Associate Director, at ***********, or ***** ****, at *********.

I wish you the very best in your pursuit of higher education.

Cordially,

******** **********
Dean of Admission and Financial Aid

Once again, WOW. They're acting like this whole deal broke my fucking heart.

Nigga, please. Your school is not that fucking great to start off with.

I wish I could make a copy of my acceptance letters to UCLA and UC Berkeley and just mail it to them. I wouldn't need an attached note or anything.

Fuckers.

You are not invincible.

2006-03-30T20:32:00.000-08:00

Not too long ago, I was in a car accident. There were four other people in the car, and I was driving. I was also at fault. Nobody was injured, but it was very frightening. I take driving seriously, it's a matter of life and death.

I cannot stand people, both teens and adults, who drive like fucking idiots. These are people who will have their lipstick in one hand, a cup of Starbucks in the other, and will drive with their knees. These are people who drive cars with a manual transmission (which requires the use of both fucking hands, I would know, because my car IS a stick) and still use their cell phone with one hand. These are people who don't even fucking TRY to slow down at a stop sign, they just speed right through, and they have the balls to get MAD when they're getting a ticket for it.

Their reasoning for completely throwing out everything they learned in driver's education and training? "Oh, well I've never gotten in an accident!"

So the FUCK what?

Ever heard of positive reinforcement? When you do something, and you find that there are no negative consequences (like hitting somebody or dying), you will continue to do it. You learn nothing. Does that make your behavior correct? I'm going to wager a "fuck no!". In fact, every time that you DON'T get into an accident, you get one step closer to being in one, because you aren't learning shit from your idiocy.

Do I sound arrogant? Do I come off as repulsive? I don't care, because this really does get to me. There are few things that are as serious as this: we aren't just talking about a simple mistake that can be rectified easily, we are talking about risking your life, and the lives of every poor soul that was unfortunate enough to be near you when you decided to drive retarded.

Like I said earlier, I have been in an accident. Maybe that's why I take this so seriously. Maybe that's why I will shout at the person driving me to keep their goddamn hands on the steering wheel, to fucking slow down, to hang up their fucking phone.

I don't want to die on your account, thanks.

This is the blog...

2006-03-13T15:52:00.000-08:00

...of a future UCLA student.

HOFUCKINGSNAP

I am so happy right now.

Hypocrites!

2006-03-10T16:33:00.000-08:00

So over the past two days, MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) have been at my school, preaching (what else?) the horrors of drunk driving.

This is different.

See, they pulled out a bunch of kids from Leadership and had them "disappear" for those days, telling us they had all died in drunk driving accidents. It would have been totally believable if somebody hadn't leaked that it was all a hoax. (I was on the verge of tears until my buddy Emily was all, "She's not really dead, geez."

So then MADD, the police department, the fire department, and the coroner's office all collaborated together to show us what a drunk driving accident looked like. Pretty realistic. If niggas paid attention, pretty convincing. (I need no convincing. I don't drink in the first place. I'VE GOT THE STRAIGHT EDGE.)

Well, first of all, what a waste of money. The kids who should have been paying attention were too busy laughing. I mean, I don't care about MADD spending all they've got, people will always donate to them anyways (how you gonna say "No I will NOT give money to Mothers Against Drunk Driving"?). But the taxpayers expect their money to be going to protection, and actual emergency relief. Not a role-play for a school of rich yuppie white kids who couldn't care less.

But more importantly, more than half of those goddamn leadership kids who participated get drunk every fucking weekend ANYWAY. Like they learned anything, please. They'll put on airs, act as though they are mature, responsible, and generally better people, but they sho'nough better have taken some notes while they were putting this all together.

These are the same kids who are supposed to lead the world in a matter of years. Social scientists say that this generation is smarter and more competitive. HAH! They're just better at cheating and getting away with it.

These kids aren't fucking smarter. If we judged intelligence based off of test scores we'd be a generation of geniuses. We're not. We cheat and lie and cut corners, for what? To get into ________ University, a prestigious school that no employer gives a shit about if you can't do your job without copying off somebody else?

What is this generation? Competitive? Intelligent? Hardly.

What is this generation? I'll tell you what we are. We're irresponsible, spoiled, cheating, lying, short-cutters who know how to cover our tracks and when to act as if we've never lied to our parents about going to So-and-So's house.

Man, I can't stand my peers. Something's wrong with me.

New rule.

2006-02-26T19:43:00.000-08:00

(another blog gimmick)

New rule.

Incredible black men are not allowed to be gay.

Seriously, have you seen Charles X or Clay Cane recently? (I suggest you get to reading those blogs on my link list, nigga.) They so fine. So so fine. Makes me want to go back to black men again. Only OH SNAP THEY'RE GAY.

I respect people's sexualities. But goddamnit there oughta be a goddamn switch or something. I have met so many men who I totally fall in love with and then they're GAY. Damn it.

BIOLOGY WINS
I LOSE
GAME OVER
PLAY AGAIN?

No, thank you. I'm all out of quarters.

New rule.

No six day work weeks with three huge projects, and an AP Calculus test.

Why do people do this? Organize all the most difficult times of the year to coincide? No sleep tonight.

New rule.

Figures of authority are not allowed to be remotely attractive.

Fuck, I can't concentrate at work when I can't stop staring at my boss. He's so hot. I'd tap it in a heartbeat, only he's my boss (one), we'd both lose our jobs (two), and he's married. (DING DING DING)

MARRIAGE WINS
I LOSE
GAME OVER
PLAY AGAIN?

I thought I told you I was out of quarters!

Holy crap!

2006-02-18T18:58:00.000-08:00

So, I'm considering moving this blog elsewhere, thanks to the cajolings of the great Michael Behlen. (All y'all niggas best peep his photography, for reals.) But, I'm kinda lazy. I'll get to work if I decide yes. I promise.

Anyways, I ain't got no material, homie. So I'mma do this meme and fulfill my imagined obligation to all four (now four!) of my readers.

1. Name: Omo the Ruler of the Universe!

2. Date of birth: June 16. Buy me shit.

3. Where you live: Somewhere in the United States. (Or do I?)

4. What makes you happy: Katamari Damacy (King of the Cosmos!), Mos Def's lovely face, finishing stuff, my absolutely gorgeous boss (gawd, I want him. Is that bad?)

5. Currently listening/the last thing you listened to: M.I.A. "Galang"

6. Do you read my blog? Supa Sister's? Fo sho!

7. If yes, what makes it especially good or bad? She's so angry, I find her quite entertaining. Oh yeah, she's totally gorgeous. (No homo, no homo.)

8. An interesting fact about you: my right pinky toe is totally deformed. That's hot.

9. Are you in love/do you have a crush at the moment?: In love? Nah, man. I don't love. A crush? Ain't you read number four?

10. Favorite place to spend time: Denny's... what?

11. Favorite lyric: JUDO FLIP!

12. The best time of the year: MILLER TIME! (No, I kid.)

RECOMMEND
1. A film: Four Brothers, nigga.
2. A book: East of Eden.
3. A band, a song, or album: Violent Femmes, "Freak Magnet" or "Rock!!!!"

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me: your heavy use of swear words.

2. Two things you like about yourself: Uh... next question.

3. Look at my friends-list and tell what you like about one of our mutual friends: Clay Cane? Gawd, he's so hot. (And now he's probably shaking his head.)

4. Put this in your journal so that I can tell you what I like about you: BAM!

This shit is for Livejournal. I have one, you know.

No, you can't read it. It's personal, man.

Lidocaine.

2006-02-14T21:53:00.000-08:00

Well, today I had to get some fillings done at the dentist. I don't think anybody knows this, but I have this horrifying fear of the dentist -- most all those instruments that he uses. Particularly that drill of his. Three years ago, he used it on me, and the anesthetic wasn't entirely effective on one side, so I felt this terrible pain. That memory has stuck to me even now, making every visit to the dentist a harrowing one. (And now I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled before I leave for college. Oh LAWD.)

But I digress.

Before the dentist started drilling my teeth, he shot my gums full up of anesthetic, what I first thought was novocaine. Wikipedia says that nobody uses novocaine anymore, mostly cos the hlaf-life is short, and sometimes the stuff isn't always effective. Rather, more and more dentists use lidocaine, and shit that stuff works. After a few shots, my face felt totally inflated, yet totally numb. I couldn't feel shit, except for a slight pressure. (Which I ignored as I pretended that I was in Hawaii.)

Thinking about that lidocaine got me to thinking about the average American. I personally prefer to believe that people are not inherently stupid (as pseudo-intellectual dickholes would be quick to say), but rather, have a generally intermediate knowledge of the world around them. This makes me feel better about the fact that we chose people like Bush to lead our country -- I know plenty of ridiculously intelligent Republicans (including one fellow debater who I'd love to sleep with, sorry Mom, he's Indian, not black), so it goes to follow that even if I can't stand Bush or his policy, the American people have to have a generally logical reason for electing (and subsequently reelecting) the guy, right?

This year, in Advanced Placement Government, seems to reject all that.

Researchers came up with a book, entitled The American Voter. They planned to determine people's reasoning for voting. Only 12% actually voted based on an ideological basis. (That even includes, "Because I am a Republican, Democrat, etc.") Everybody else? They voted based on integrity (whether or not you had a lady on the side), appearance (!!!), and even because their friends told them to. Of course, that study was done in the fifties, but they updated the research to the sixties, and the eighties. No significant change. What is wrong with people?

People don't really put any thought into how they vote. What's worse, they don't put a lot of thought into whether or not they vote at all. The election with the biggest turnout is the presidental one (one that I honestly do not see the most importance in, I'd put more weight in congressional elections), and even then the turnout is only stagnant around 50%. The American people just don't care.

But can we blame them? Turn on the news. CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, choose your poison. The news has no real content. It's worthless, with the wonderful exception of C-SPAN. You get shocking images of death, destruction, and sex, with seven second sound bites. That's seven seconds. MAXIMUM. You get short cut opinions, with short cut ideologies, and it results in short cut votes. Or worse, short cuts around the system period: apathy.

In the sixties, there were, what, up to three, six channels? They showed the same thing: at six o'clock, you were watching the news, or you just weren't watching television. Now, all the news (as terribly as it is presented) is consolidated into maybe seven or eight channels, whereas everything else is put on, well, everything else. If you don't feel like watching the news, fine. You can soak yourself up in the rays of MTV all fucking day -- and there's nothing anybody can do about it. With the press of a button, the news no longer exists. Iraq what? Cheney who?

What's the average water cooler talk now? I'm sure in the eighties it was what? Iran-Contra? Gulf War? And now it's what? Brangelina? Lindsay Lohan? TomKat? Paris Hilton? Nobody wants to talk about politics, it's boring, it's a drag, it takes too much effort to learn about it. Funny, I know full grown adults who could tell you everything about Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, but if you asked for just one sentence on Hamas' Parliament victory in Palestine, they'd mumble something about "those damn terrorists."

Our society has a syringe full of lidocaine: it's music, it's movies, it's Hollywood, it's New York, it's every glamorous thing that we wish we could be. And that shit is so terribly much more interesting than anything in Washington that we grab that needle and we jam it in with godspeed, making ourselves totally numb.

What, does somebody have to nuke us before we start caring?

Aw, fuck all y'all!

2006-02-13T12:19:00.000-08:00

I am so over black men right now.

White dudes, too.

Fuck the Oscars.

2006-02-09T22:36:00.000-08:00

I'm boycotting the Academy Awards this year. In fact, I'm boycotting all awards shows period. I mean, look at the bullshit in cinema we've had to put up with. Any good movies that come out now have to wait until next year to get recognized.

And you know what? Fuck 'Brokeback Mountain.' What the fuck was so great about it? Oooh gay cowboys, how avant-garde! How progressive! How ground-breaking!

How trite. Jake Glyenhaal (or however the fuck you spell that asshole's last name) is the kind of man you just wanna punch in the face -- and he won't go away until his movie wins something, which it will. Give Ang Lee something, that's cool, he's an excellent director anyways. But if Jake or Heath go home with any naked statuettes I'll kill somebody.

'Memoirs of a Geisha'? 'Munich'? Good movies, there's no denying that. Overhyped movies, there's no denying that either. They were all good, but I'm not sure if I would call them Oscar-worthy. Then again, I'm not quite sure what standard the Academy upholds anyways, so expect lots of dick-sucking.

At the very least, Jon Stewart, my boyfriend, will be hosting. That is good. Strike that, it's fucking great. He's probably the hottest man in the universe, right next to Anderson Cooper. (That's right. I said it.)

But really, my anti-Oscar sentiment isn't a product of this year's offerings. I'm just lashing out. In truth, my anti-Oscar sentiment is a byproduct of how I feel about the cinema world, period.

Yes. There are good movies. There are great movies. There are fucking fantastic movies. But we, as a nation of movie-watchers, are so desperate to have our own "Citizen Kane," our own "Manchurian Candidate" (even churning out a remake) that we'll hail anything as "amazing," as long as it steps away from that terrible road that Hollywood has paved. ('Dukes of Hazzard,' anyone?) This gets to the point of everybody humping 'Garden State' well past the point of climax, everybody telling me how amazing and definitive 'Trainspotting' is, everybody assuming that if a movie is independent (oops, excuse me, I should have said indie) it MUST BE GOOD.

And you know what? 'Garden State' wasn't that fucking good. Everybody likes it because it's not a craptascular 'comedy,' an explosive action flick, or a shoddy clone of every romance movie to date.

I can sit here and yell about movies, and how we see movies, but that doesn't mean anything until people start trying to make excellent movies. This is why I don't hate on Ang Lee, even though all this hype behind 'Brokeback Mountain' gets on my last nerve. 'Brokeback Mountain' fell short of the hype, but at least he's fucking trying.

Still, though. Quit hyping shit up, y'all. Different does not mean avant-garde does not mean good.

Quick takes!

2006-02-06T20:27:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so.

My USC application (which I totally turned in way before the deadline, bitches) had this cute little section they called "Quick Takes." They were one liners, totally random, that had nothing to do with university or education.

So I'm just gonna copy that, cos I've got nothing on white people to rant about tonight. (Apologies to my readers, all three of you.)

The Violent Femmes.

The greatest band in existence, right next to early Fun People. Seriously, there aren't enough words in the English (or even Spanish) language to describe how fucking amazing the Violent Femmes are. (I'm seeing them July 28! EEEEEEEEEE!) These guys have been amazing for almost twenty years, and they still totally rock. Now they're all in their forties with wives and kids and they still play shows for us youngins to obtain the Violent Femmes experience. Gordon Gano, will you marry me?

Post-Goth.

Everybody knows that emo is now the new goth, but where does that leave those kids who spent all their money on bondage jeans and steel toed boots? That shit is expensive, and you can't just toss it out for a whole new look. Most parents will be like "The fuck?" Thus, we have post-goth, kids who know their clothes are ugly and their music is shit, but they're stuck with it. I work with a post-goth kid. He's ugly. BLECH. Oh yeah, and he wears a Slipknot hat. Either he's post-goth and stuck with it, or he doesn't realize how much they fucking suck.

Natural fruit flavored water beverages.

The greatest thing invented since elastic waistbands.

"You're anorexic!"

Yeah, okay, I'm skinny. I'm very skinny. Yes, my hip bones, and sometimes my rib bones, do stick out. I am NOT anorexic -- I eat three or four healthy squares a day. I exercise maybe four times a week, and normally, that consists of an hour of DDR. (Yes, it is exercise.) I hate when people think I don't eat. I'm sorry that my thyroid is overactive. Jesus.

But you know what I hate even more? When people get mad at me BECAUSE I eat. I guess it's easier for them to think that a skinny black girl can only be as such when she won't eat. Because everybody knows black people only eat ribs, bacon, and fried chicken.

Speaking of...

Soul food.

UGH. I am so with Huey Freeman (if you don't watch The Boondocks, then you should be ashamed of yourself) on this one: soul food fucking kills. Black people need to find a diet outside of pig. It's bad enough that we love ribs and bacon and sausage. But chitlins? Aaron McGruder hit the nail on the head: chitlins were a necessity for Afro-American slaves, they are NOT any sort of tenet of black culture. Black folks think that the most disgusting parts of an animal should be a part of who we are -- shameful!

And I love fried chicken too, but I'm not gonna drown the shit in a boiling sea of artery-clogging death. Oh, and lay off the fucking monkeybread. White folks named it after us, shouldn't that give you a clue? Honestly, the eating habits of my people makes me sick to my stomach. EAT RIGHT, BLACK PEOPLE, AND MAYBE WE WON'T ALL BE DYING OF HEART DISEASE. AND MAYBE BLACK MEN WILL STOP BITCHING ABOUT HOW OUR WOMEN ARE TOO DAMN FAT. Why do you think Africans are so lean and strong? Cos they're not eating the same bullshit Afro-Americans are.

Blogs.

For self-absorbed, pseudo-intellectual assholes.

So naturally, I have one.

This is fun. I'll bet those USC folks are a real pack of progressive, creative, fun-loving people.

In Soviet Russia, comments write YOU!!!

PWNED!

2006-01-26T16:14:00.000-08:00

Associated Press article in italics.
My comments in bold.

Sitting with Frey in side-by-side easy chairs, Winfrey quizzed the author point-by-point about his book that described his drug-and-alcohol addiction and the people hurt by it.

Well, it's about time somebody did it.

"All the way through the book I altered details about every one of the characters," Frey said "Every one of the characters was altered," including himself.

NO, REALLY? I COULDN'T TELL

He spent two hours in jail, not 87 days, and the account of his breaking up with a woman who later committed suicide happened in a much shorter period of time, with their separation occurring while he was taking care of personal business in North Carolina, not while he was in jail, he said.

You're a pussy if you have to lie about jail time, and you're an asshole when you lie about your ex-girlfriend's suicide.

She committed suicide by slashing her wrists, he said, not by hanging herself.

You even lied about her death?! Have some fucking respect, Frey! If not for the literary world, at least for a girl who loved you!

Asked if The Smoking Gun Web site which first questioned the book had accurately characterized the discrepancies, Frey said "I think most of what they wrote was pretty accurate," adding they did "a good job."

The Smoking Gun: 1
James Frey: 0
YOU LOSE
GAME OVER
PLAY AGAIN?

Frey said he had developed an image of himself for the book as "being tougher than I was, badder than I was" as a "coping mechanism."

First, that was obvious. Who the fuck honestly believed that you had two root canal procedures without any anesthetic? And second, to cope with what? Your subconscious telling you that you aren't fucking MAN enough for a memoir? That you need to make yourself into a movie-like caricature? Fuck you, James Frey.

Winfrey asked if that was to make a better book or to make him a better person.

"Probably both," he answered.

Well, then

YOU FAIL.

"To everyone who has challenged me on this issue of truth, you are absolutely right," she said, adding that the inspiration the book brought to so many people had clouded her judgment.

There, there, Oprah. It's okay. I still love you. Come on, let's go read some East of Eden. John Steinbeck had nothing to lie about.

Let's watch the Frey bandwagon BURN.

I'VE GOT THE STRAIGHT EDGE

2006-01-24T22:42:00.000-08:00

For the past few months, I've been straight edge. No drugs, no drinking, no fucking -- I have shamelessly embodied Ian McKaye's credo. Sometimes, when I got to shows, I even marker those cute X's on my hands.

But am I part of the straight edge movement? Hell fucking NO.

There is something that I find morally refreshing about being straight edge, yes. Knowing that I'm not breaking any laws, that I'm going to shows and not doing stuff my parents would kill me over. I like being straight edge, and I do feel good about it. But I'm not gonna act like straight edge is the greatest thing since sliced bread, like if you're not edge you can't talk to me, like I'm motherfucking Jesus.

I know edge kids who reject people they've been friends with since the seventh grade, purely because they went out and got drunk or high. For ONE NIGHT.

There may be a moral high ground in being straight edge, especially when you're still a minor, but god damnit you aren't a fucking god on earth for it.

And another thing. When Ian McKaye wrote "Straight Edge," he wrote it about a friend who died on a heroin overdose. He didn't write it to start a movement. He didn't write it to mobilize a bunch of elitist teenagers into action. He wrote it cos his fucking friend died, THAT'S IT. So don't be trying to use Minor Threat "philosophies" to justify your being an asshole, your bordering on hardline, your acting like you're holier than thou.

To summarize: yea, being edge is awesome. It's not next to godliness. And shut the fuck up about Ian McKaye.

I hate fags.

2006-01-21T22:13:00.000-08:00

Some white people say that they don't hate black people. They hate niggers.

Well, I don't hate gay people. I hate fags.

There is a difference.

Gay men are pretty simple. They have only one shared characteristic: they happen to like other men. Everything else is variable.

Fags are a different story.

Fags love to shop. Fags love to talk with a lisp. Fags love to dress and act flamboyantly.

Fags think that being effeminate to the point where they are more "womanly" than the average woman is cute. Fags will always hold out a limp wrist when they speak.

But maybe all of those things don't really matter: those are just behaviorisms that irritate me. Hell, I know lots of girls who think fags are absolutely charming.

There's a catch though.

Fags think it's great to shove their sexuality in everybody's faces. Fags think they have a right to move to second base in the middle of the mall. (Here's a hint, fag, if heteros don't do it, maybe you shouldn't either.) Fags love to dress in awfully inappropriate clothing and march down the street every year in their Fag Pride parades. Fags enjoy telling everyone about how many other fags they buttsexed in the last week and call us homophobic when we call them sluts. Fags think that we all should just "tolerate" their lack of decency.

Fags don't realize that their existence fucks shit up for every other homosexual.

You see, when I turn on the television and I see a news report about a Gay Pride parade or other gay rights protesting, I don't see the perfectly normal homosexuals. I see the FAGS, the ones the media focuses on. Be realistic here. Who will the cameras go to first, normal men like, I dunno, Clay Cane and Charles X, or fags like Jeffree Star? (Did you hear that fag is getting a television show? With Bobby Trendy? Pathetic.) Fags make everybody else look bad.

People of the LGBT community, I feel for you. You are victims of the representative heuristic, and too many people want to believe that you're just a pack of angry, indignant fags. I know most of you aren't. I also know that a lot of you are fed up with fags, but you feel like you can't shun them.

I wouldn't know about that, but I do know that somebody needs to tell these fags, "Ho Sit DOWN."

Keep in mind, I don't hate fags because they're gay. That has nothing to do with anything. I see sexuality as I see skin color -- no reason to hate over. I hate fags because they are irritating, they fully perpetuate a stereotype, and in doing this, they hurt the very same community that they claim to uphold. People don't WANT to listen to fags, nobody wants their children to look at two men dressed like sluts and making out in public. There is a huge difference between prudishness and having a sincere appreciation for decency. If fags could be decent and stop being so repulsive to most of society, I am certain more of the general public would take the LGBT community and their issues seriously.

But they don't. Because of fucking FAGS.

I hate fags.

You should too.

Musings.

2006-01-19T19:39:00.000-08:00

Musing Number One
File under: bullshit journalism.

Yeah, I'm gonna jump on the James Frey-hate-a-thon bandwagon here. I'll make it simple.

To take a pussy record and spin it to make it seem like you're a snot and vomit stained desperado is bullshit.

To create scores of people who cared about you and whose lives you've "touched" like you're a anti-hero Jesus, but of course, have them either in jail forever or dead, is bullshit.

To take a tragic accident, one that effects an entire suburban community, and place yourself in it like you're a vicitm is bullshit.

To write an elaborate story of recovery, romanticizing addiction like you're writing a fucking screenplay is bullshit.

But you know what else is bullshit?

The fact that people read this garbage and actually believed it. If your life changed after reading either A Million Little Pieces or My Friend Leonard, then you didn't have much of a life to begin with.

That moron Frey writes like a fucking five-year-old. (File that with J.K. Rowling and J.D. Salinger.) I know Oprah isn't expected to choose books for her club based on actual literary merit, but honestly. If you're gonna choose Steinbeck's work, don't stain your club subsequently with Frey.

(Oh, and Frey? Your random capitalizations? You're not avant-garde, asshole.)

What's with this bullshit? Everybody thinks they're tough or something.

Musing Number Two.
File under: hipsters.

Yes. I do have a MySpace. Shut up, peer pressure is tough.

Surfing around MySpace, I find pages with guys and gals, strutting their stuff on their digital cameras, carefully shot photos so that they look the most attractive. (Cameras lie.)

And then when somebody leaves a comment that ISN'T accolades and praise, it's like, "Oh. Well. You're ugly."

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Nice comeback, douchebags! You got him there! He's not a heroin-addicted/anorexic disgusting fuck of a hipster (and that is an insult, not a term of endearment)who does his hair like everybody else in the scene and spends gas and money and time to go to shows only to fold his arms and try and look like he hates being there.

WELL IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA FUCKING DANCE AND LOOK LIKE YOU HATE THIS THEN STAY AT HOME

And another thing.

INDIE IS NOT A FUCKING GENRE

I hate people who are all, "Yeah, I like indie."

INDIE WHAT, ASSHOLE?

Indie jazz? Indie opera? Indie hip hop?

In case your head was too far up your ass for the past few years, indie is short for independent. As in, independent music. AS IN, music that is not produced with a major label.

Which means that "indie music" is a LOT OF FUCKING THINGS.

There IS NO INDIE "SOUND." You might as well say there is a MUSIC "sound," it's just as retarded.

Oh, and those gigantic sunglasses at night do not make you look cool. You, with your "vintage" t-shirts and your tight jeans and your pinstripes and your ironic trucker hats? You look like a douche.

I am not your goddamn porchmonkey!

2006-01-08T16:12:00.000-08:00

Too often, I have to deal with white people asking me (like I can speak for the other members of my race) why black people do "such-and-such."

Why are black people so loud?

Why are black people so overweight?

Why are the majority of black people on welfare?

Why can't black people get a nice job and house like mine?

Why do black people shout "racism" at everything?

Why do black people love bling and perpetuate the gangsta lifestyle?

Instead of shouting a loud "SHUT THE FUCK UP," I normally respond with, "Not all black people are like that."

Not a very compelling response, I know, but I get in trouble for yelling at white people. (Or anybody else for that matter.)

Then I get the feeling that white people know this. It's pretty obvious, look at Colin Powell.

But then I get another feeling that white people seem to think that us black folks are forever sitting on the outsides of intellectualism, unable to make any serious contributions to science (George fucking Washington Carver!) or any other "intelligent" schools of thought. That all we are good for, other than being fat gangsters and scrawny hoes, is singing and dancing.

Well, you know what?

I AM NOT YOUR GODDAMN PORCHMONKEY.

Don't invite me to your precious lily-white events hoping I'll put on a show for you, with my clapping and my melodies and such. I am MORE than gospel and jazz and breakdancing.

Black people, we need to make it crystal clear that just being a "good black person," someone who goes to church and claps their hands and provides some entertainment for white people, is NOT GOING TO CUT IT.

Because when white people yell at us about gangsters and drugs and violence, they look down on us.

But when we respond by limiting ourselves to church and music, that isn't gaining any fucking respect.

We are intelligent, beautiful, talented folks, people! We have the abilities to contribute just as much, if not MORE, to society as anybody else.

But we can't do that if we're too busy singing some gospel.

Celebrities are assholes.

2005-12-29T20:54:00.000-08:00

I don't get the hype.

People are like ZOMG ZOMG BRANGELINA KEVITNEY NISSICA

(Okay, so I made up those last two. Sue me.)

But people make this gigantic STINK about who's making babies with who and who's gettin' a divorce (gaspshock!) and who just wrote a book and who's going to jail.

WHO GIVES A SHIT?

It's like our lives are so ridiculously boring that we get our excitement vicariously through others.

Doesn't that disgust you?

That we are entertained by watching the emotional and moral decay of a few rich white folks?

We are all so sick.

(Can you believe Linday LoHAG? Talking about how "black guys love [her]"? What a slut! EL OH EL.)

YOU ARE RACIST.

2005-12-27T21:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, you are. YES, YOU ARE.

If you have to defend yourself with the line, "I have black friends!" YOU ARE RACIST.

If you turn on BET and immediately ask something along the lines of "Why are black people like that?" YOU ARE RACIST.

If you grip more tightly on your purse or wallet when you see a colored kid on the subway YOU ARE RACIST.

If you refuse a colored homeless man or woman money under the assumption that they will immediately use it to buy drugs YOU ARE RACIST.

If you think that Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson are the voices of the black people YOU ARE RACIST.

If you believe that black people can ever be represented by one or two voices YOU ARE RACIST.

If you see a black woman with two kids in the supermarket and think that she probably is on welfare and the father ran off a long time ago because he's a deadbeat YOU ARE RACIST.

If you are convinced that people of color can bring themselves up "if they'd only try harder" YOU ARE RACIST.

If you wish that blacks and Latinos be more like those "wonderful, hard-working, and quiet" Asians YOU ARE RACIST.

If you see an Asian kid and think that he's on his way to Harvard YOU ARE RACIST.

If you ask an Asian for help in math before you ask a black or a Latino YOU ARE RACIST.

If you have ever asked "Why do blacks get their own teevee network?" YOU ARE RACIST.

If you think that vigilantism against Mexicans crossing the border is justified YOU ARE RACIST.

If you have ever asked "Why do blacks get to say 'nigger'?" YOU ARE RACIST.

If you have ever asked "Why do Latinos get to say 'wetback'?" YOU ARE RACIST.

If you believe that the only music blacks and Latinos have ever pioneered is rap/hip hop YOU ARE RACIST.

If you laugh at the idea of a black punk rocker YOU ARE RACIST.

If you have ever called a kid a wigger YOU ARE RACIST.

If it makes you angry that Dave Chappelle can say "nigger" and you can't YOU ARE RACIST.

If you honestly believe that immigrants are bringing your country down YOU ARE RACIST.

If you walk into a convenience store and expect to see an Indian or a Sikh YOU ARE RACIST.

If you are uncomfortable with the concept of a black Jesus YOU ARE RACIST.

If you think that I'm just a paranoid little black girl who leans on this crutch of racism, and refuses to be held accountable for anything, not only are you ignorant, not only are you wrong, YOU ARE RACIST.

And that is an unavoidable, undeniable fact.

White men are ARRRRGH!

2005-12-25T22:12:00.000-08:00

The following can be construed as nothing more than a black girl's emotional reaction to a prior experience.

White men.

Adore black women.

Apparently.

But they don't really ADORE adore black women.

They adore the image.

The stereotype.

The thick lips, thick thighs, dark skin.

The fresh weave, kickin' heels, sassy attitude.

The ass shaking, fight picking, freakishness in the bed.

They don't adore who we are.

They adore what they WANT us to be.

They adore how we dress.

In the music videos, at least.

They adore how we talk.

In the comedies on the teevee and the silver screen.

They adore everything that does NOT encompass us as a whole.

I can wear some tight jeans and I'll catch his attention, but if I wanna discuss calculus, "Ho shut up."

White men.

Adore black women.

Who are the black women

On television.

The preceding can be construed as nothing more than a black girl's emotional reaction to a prior experience.

Or maybe it's truth.

The media does not care about black people.

2005-11-16T16:55:00.000-08:00

No, I actually am for serious.

Because this "black entertainment" bullshit is getting to me.

All the time, I read, I hear, "Why do black people get their own television shows?"

Do you actually think that BET is really for black people? Don't make me laugh.

50 Cent is not black culture. Most black people want nothing to do with Get Rich or Die Tryin', believe it or not.

And, newsflash, most black people, in recent polls, have shown to be strongly against gangs, gun violence, drug use, pre-marital sex, atheism, and all the other things that conservatives (and liberals) hate so much.

Black people are diversified in their ideologies. Kinda like white people.

I really can't think of any way to market to white people as a whole, because white people are not a simple equation -- they differ in what they like and dislike. How do I present punk rock to a group of people who many of despise any sort of deviation from the norm? How can I air "family values" programming to a group of people filled with edgy, hip youth?

This paradox applies to, surprise!, black people too, because we aren't as homogenous as others want you to believe. Hell, look at Clarence Thomas. (Uncle Tom. No, really.)

So this BET garbage only really works with those who actually buy into the bling-bling, dolla dolla bill y'all, shake dat Laffy-Taffy lifestyle. And that isn't a lot of black people.

Did you know that white youth listen to gangsta rap way more than black youth do? 70% of rap aficionados are white. Pretty funny stuff.

But the media won't ever let you know this. Media, including BET, wants you to believe that black people are a nation united under the crunk.

We're not.

But they'll never tell you that.

It's easier to think that all black people like fried chicken and Kanye West.

Bush is way cooler than Hollywood kids.

2005-11-10T20:23:00.000-08:00

Some things rarely make sense.

Like how the average American operates.

Now, don't be misinterpreting me: you'll never catch me saying that the American people are somehow inherently stupid, and that I'm magically not. If anything, I'm probably just as stupid as anybody else in these lovely United States of America.

But the other day, I watched short five-minute clip about voters and America, an excerpt from 20/20. They ran an unofficial experiment, and showed random people, of the voting age, photos of politicians, i.e. Dick Cheney, Joe Lieberman, etc. Most of these people couldn't identify them.

Then they were showed photos of celebrities. That was pretty easy.

I'm not gonna hate, but I'm watching the USA Network, and there's this advertisement for some movie: "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days." I've never seen it. But the star...

http://www.cinema.com/image_lib/9045_006_thumb.jpg

How the fuck is this ugly nigga more memorable to us than this guy?

http://www.lunarrepublic.com/photo/bush_george_w_portrait.jpg

Let's compare the two.

Matthew McCougnahey (or however the FUCK you spell it)
-Looks like a greasy haired redneck
-Sounds like he smoked a bowl or two before he arrived on the set
-Has never been in a single movie that is worth remembering (except for Amistad, that movie kicked)
-Lacks the ability to choose movies that aren't, you know, bad
-Have I mentioned that he looks like a greasy haired redneck?

George W. Bush
-Is president of the United States
-Was governor of Texas
-Has executed more people than any other governor
-Hates black people
-Hates gay people, too
-Obviously celebrated much when Sandra Day O'Connor retired
-Used to do coke back in Yale
-Had a C-average there, too
-Choked on a pretzel
-Battled (and probably still is battling) alcoholism
-Is really, really stubborn
-Is oh so adorable when his ADD shows during his speeches and he totally gets distracted by a butterfly
-Is almost as cute as JFK. When I say almost, I mean "not at all."
-Shares characteristics with a chimpanzee
-Is no Albert Einstein, but he ain't no Rainman either
-Looks like he used to be into the old-school hip hop
-Probably has beef with Kanye West

What is Americans' collective problem? Doesn't our president sound way more interesting than some greasy haired redneck who smokes too much pot?

Every intro.

2005-11-10T19:19:00.000-08:00

Hi, everybody.

My name is ___________, and this is my public blog. For ranting. And stuff.

I've always thought that having internet celebrity status was really cool, something that I would always want. I thought that I would love to have something that Maddox, or Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka had. (As much as I despise Something Awful, and their goons.)

Is this an attempt at celebrity status?

No. Not really.

This is just the one blog that I wouldn't mind if everyone saw. I mean, I wouldn't want any of you to even take a peek at my livejournal. (Yes, I have one. Who doesn't? Really.)

So, I intend to rant.

I intend to analyze.

I figure the internet will be my audience.

Bye, everybody.